We have all struggled with motivation at some point in our lives—from accessing it to get a task done to maintaining its momentum over time. As a result, one of the most challenging aspects of being a parent is knowing how to constructively motivate your child, academically or otherwise.
Many parents use external motivation to get the desired results, whether negative (“If your grades fall any lower, we will take your phone away until the end of the year”) or positive (“If you get an A on the next chemistry test, I’ll take you shopping”). These efforts are well intended, but depending on external forces to change a child’s behavior may well work in the short-term, but the effect usually lasts only for a short time. More importantly, if children rely on outside forces—instead of internal ones—for their behavioral cues, they risk not learning how to deal with failure constructively or how to accept responsibility for their actions.
Since much of our work at Green Ivy involves coaching students and supporting the development of intrinsic motivation, we’ve put together a list of strategies for helping your children develop this important character trait.
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Praise effort over results
As chronicled in Carol Dweck’s best-selling book Mindset, talent and ability play a part in the level of success we achieve, but what’s more valuable is viewing the potential growth of our abilities. If we praise children for their efforts, as opposed to results, they are more likely to believe that their natural talents can be grown and expanded instead of viewing them as fixed or finite resources. For example, if a student fails a test, with a growth mindset, they feel as if they can improve on their understanding of the content and improve. However, with a fixed mindset, failure can feel like a fact inherent to their being (“I’m just bad at math!”).
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Let them tell their story
As Green Ivy founder Ana Homayoun says, “Make it all about them.” Ask your children open-ended questions about where they are now and where they want to go. Helping children perceive their possible “future selves” builds only optimism, perseverance and resilience. Allowing students the chance to imagine and wonder, gives them the space and courage to work towards inhabiting that goal.
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Help your children to set smaller, incremental benchmarks to reach their larger goals
When we experience short-term successes that get us closer to meeting our bigger goals, those rewards help us to stay motivated and on track. Encourage students to write down concrete goals and the habits they need to implement daily or weekly to achieve those goals. One common style of goal setting is called SMART goals, which is an acronym that stands for: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely. For example, rather than a student saying “I want an A in math,” they might instead set a goal saying, “By the end of the semester, I want to get an 85% or higher on my tests by attending office hours twice a week.”
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Allow room for failure
As we get older, we can often trace significant, unexpected growth in our adult lives to things that didn’t work out the way we had expected. With that in mind, don’t be so quick to come to a child’s rescue when they hit a small bump in the road – instead, ask open-ended questions that encourage them to reflect and problem-solve. If children aren’t allowed to fail and then recover, the smallest of setbacks could begin to feel insurmountable. This could potentially hamper children’s problem-solving skills, along with their ability to remain buoyant in the face of challenges. Supporting students with words of encouragement while also letting them solve it on their own is the ideal balance.
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Encourage self-reflection
Weekly check-ins with students at Green Ivy involve taking a few minutes to reflect and talk through what worked that week and what didn’t, and the habits students want to change going forward. This provides the flexibility needed to regroup, regardless of what has happened, and to continue moving forward. This might look like recognizing patterns like getting to school late after staying up too late the night before or acing a math test after finishing the study guide earlier than usual. Sit down with children periodically to talk through their habits, plans, and goals. Doing so will reinforce a growth mindset and, ideally, guide them to discover their sense of purpose.
We’d love to hear any additional tips that have been helpful for you and your family! Feel free to be in touch.